Tag: relationships

Ginsu Wisdom From Doug Evans

Readers who did not grow up in the seventies and eighties will probably not understand the ginsu reference in the title. Commercials for ginsu knives would present the first knife and showcase what it would do. Then the announcer would ask “how much would you pay?” and follow that quickly with the statement “but wait!…there’s more!”

Dad used a similar pattern when dispensing wisdom. He was an advocate of the philosophy that it is more effective to break lessons down into manageable bite sizes than to try to force feed them all at once. His experience was that leading and teaching were always more effective when information was parceled out in a gradual and thoughtful process.

An example would be how he tried to teach me not to verbally attack or complain about others when disagreements occur. The “first knife” he showcased was the tried and true maxim that “if you point fingers at others then there are three fingers pointing at you.” He challenged me to examine the man in the mirror first.

He would allow a moment for me to reflect on how much I was “willing to pay” to embrace better conflict management skills and then he would close with the “but wait, there’s more” segment of the lesson.

He wrapped up the lesson with this statement – “If you will allow only your own point of view to be a valid or valuable point of view then you only have yourself to blame when you don’t like the scenery.”

Posted on by johnnyboy61 0

Stand In The Corner With Your Snoot Stuck Out

Expressing anger or frustration to dad with negative and harsh words was pretty much a conversational non starter with him. He exercised stringent self control and expected me to follow suit. It was not that he wanted me to deny my thoughts and feelings but rather that he wanted me to find the self control to choose words wisely and carefully, especially when agitated. He did not believe in an entitlement to inflict your feelings on others.

When I came to him and vented my anger and frustration he would half sing, half chant the ditty below.

What are you gonna do when the meat runs out? Go stand in the corner with your snoot stuck out!

He had picked that up as a child from either a grandparent or a great grandparent. To him it meant that if you were bent out of shape about something (like the meat running out, which happened a lot during the depression he lived through growing up) then rather than inflict your attitude on others, you should go pout in a corner until you worked through it.

His method of teaching the discipline of managing harsh feelings is probably considered unhealthy today. But I contend that the world in general, and the internet in particular, would be better places if we all exercised more self control.

Posted on by johnnyboy61 0

Words Matter – Less Can Be More

My father was a wise man.  Ask anyone who knew him.  When he spoke, his words warranted your attention. A person with an open heart and mind could learn wisdom from him if there was a willingness to listen to, reflect upon and apply his message.

Some of his wisdom carried a steely sternness. I share one of his pearls of wisdom with you.

He was convinced that it was unnecessary to point out a persons lack of knowledge.  He used a stronger term than lack of knowledge.  He believed that a persons words and behaviors would reveal their lack of knowledge.  He encouraged me to speak less so I do not reveal my own ignorance. In that regard, and many others, I am still a work in progress.

I am grateful for a wise father who tried to impart wisdom to me.  Dad – you are loved, missed and always with me.  Thank you.

Posted on by johnnyboy61 0

Autism, Hope and Blessings

I dedicate this to every loving mother and father raising a child with special needs.

Parenting a normal child is daunting. Parenting a special needs child escalates daunting to level that can be excruciating at times.  And it puts the parents and child on a metaphorical island emotionally and socially.  Take a look at your community and search for support groups specifically focused on special needs families.  There are not a lot of options.

Many churches have special needs classes for the child on Sunday but there are still precious few choices to socially integrate a special needs child or their parents. And the emotional roller coaster is exhausting.  Heartache, grief and fear are our frequent companions. 

We grapple with terrible questions.  What caused this? Why us? Is there anything we could have done differently to prevent this? Inevitably guilt creeps into our thoughts and we seek answers to the most terrible question – Did we do something to cause this?

Your extended family can provide comfort, if that is what they choose, but they can also choose to make your heartache, fear, grief and guilt worse. Rather than seek to understand your emotions they attempt to inform you and influence you with their answers to all of the previously mentioned questions.  Where is kindness and compassion in that?

Tylenol is not the root cause of my son’s autism.  Thirty five years of medical testing and clinical observation still cannot provide us with a singular, definitive cause.  And at this point the answers are not as nearly as important or urgent as they were. Now our focus is on how we create the best life for the child and the parents. We are a work in progress and we are blessed.  Praise be to God the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.

Posted on by johnnyboy61 Featured 0

MAMMA’S BOY

I am a mamma’s boy.  I am not afraid or ashamed to claim that moniker even though I am aware that it can have negative connotations. My dear mother has done and continues to do so much for me and I consider it an honor of the highest magnitude to carry the title “mamma’s boy”.

Since giving birth to me she has loved me constantly, encouraged me consistently and prayed for me continuously.  I am alive and well today because of her continuous prayers on my behalf.  No other power but the power of a mother’s prayer, answered by a powerful heavenly Father, can explain how I have survived too many risky and dangerous situations I put myself in when I was younger.  And I am joyful everyday because that power is still at work in my life.

The pivotal moment when I fully embraced the role of mamma’s boy happened when I was about 12 or 13 years old. Mom had been away on a rare trip without dad for one of the civic clubs that she participated in.  Immediately upon her return home dad left on a business trip for several days.  So mom had to fend for herself with my younger brother, my older sister and me.

A day or two later it was getting rough on mom because we were way less than perfect teenage children. Exasperated, mom picked up the suitcase she had not yet unpacked from her trip and headed out the door to leave. We all three stood there like the proverbial deer in the headlights and watched her walk out the door toward the car.

I overcame my paralysis quickly and ran out the door after her.  I asked her “what about dad?” to which she replied “I am not leaving your dad, he is welcome to come with me”.  It was then and there I put on the mamma’s boy cape.  I asked her what I needed to do to get her to stay.  She asked me to be more considerate and more cooperative and I agreed to that and anything else she needed. So to this day, if my mom asks me to do something, anything, I agree and do it. No questions, no arguments, just do it.

What I get in exchange is what I have always had, her constant love, consistent encouragement and continuous prayers.  I think I get the better part of that deal.

Posted on by johnnyboy61 0